It isn't one of my strengths. Never has been.
I have tried to work on it...but I just don't have the, well...patience.
Vicious cycle is what they call it.
I can sit quiet for long periods of time. I can focus when I want to on books, or projects at work or video games. But that isn't really patience.
It is when I want something so bad I can feel it in your bones but something or someone is standing in my way that I cannot do anything about and I just have to wait for it to move or be moved to act, that is when I go crazy.
I don't show my crazy. I hide it, mostly.
When I want something, I want it now. Not tomorrow, not in a few hours, not in 5 mins. NOW! And I will do as much as I can within legal and ethical reason to get what I want. (Well, I suppose the ethics are up to each person.)
Today, I want something. I want it so badly I can taste it. I have worked so damn hard to get it. It is like playing that damn claw game where you work so hard, you gauge all of the variables, and you are on your last quarter. There is a HUGE stuffed animal in your grasp but you have not quite made it to the drop box...and suddenly someone else has control of the claw...
Somebody else is controlling if you get what you worked so hard for, if you get what you have paid your dues for...
In my head, I am screaming...
PATIENCE!!!
I have tried to work on it...but I just don't have the, well...patience.
Vicious cycle is what they call it.
I can sit quiet for long periods of time. I can focus when I want to on books, or projects at work or video games. But that isn't really patience.
It is when I want something so bad I can feel it in your bones but something or someone is standing in my way that I cannot do anything about and I just have to wait for it to move or be moved to act, that is when I go crazy.
I don't show my crazy. I hide it, mostly.
When I want something, I want it now. Not tomorrow, not in a few hours, not in 5 mins. NOW! And I will do as much as I can within legal and ethical reason to get what I want. (Well, I suppose the ethics are up to each person.)
Today, I want something. I want it so badly I can taste it. I have worked so damn hard to get it. It is like playing that damn claw game where you work so hard, you gauge all of the variables, and you are on your last quarter. There is a HUGE stuffed animal in your grasp but you have not quite made it to the drop box...and suddenly someone else has control of the claw...
Somebody else is controlling if you get what you worked so hard for, if you get what you have paid your dues for...
In my head, I am screaming...
PATIENCE!!!
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